How can we go into a meaningful relationship which might lead to love if we feel insecure and confused? Is the way we feel connected to emotional wounds from our childhoods?
Can we call it ‘a lack of love?’ Insufficient loving attention? Let me start with the good news: We can do something about it.
We can learn self-love and compensate for the past. <<< Take the Quiz about your future partner.
We always hear that if one is insecure, in some way he was neglected from our parents and family. That negligence created irrational negative beliefs about ourselves and about our worth.
Those wounds keep us from being able to do more work for ourselves. They keeps us from investing into ourselves in a more meaningful way.
Even when we’re struggling to really recognize our own inherent value, then we’re, not going to exert our energies outside of ourselves into things that we really care. Why? Because we’re, not going to think that it’s worth our time and our energy.
You know we’re going to think that we’re probably going to fail at it. So why do it all? Why put ourselves out there and take that risk? We cannot succeed. But by avoiding investing into ourselves in a more meaningful way and investing into self-love we grow up marginalized.
We do that ourselves. We create these very negative and irrational beliefs about ourselves and about our work that makes us think there is something wrong with us.
We’re inadequate. We won’t measure up. It makes it that much bigger of a risk to put ourselves out there and do things that we would care about because we’re so afraid that we’re not going to do it well!
We’re going to mess it all up and fail, and everybody’s going to really see what’s wrong with us. Who would like the perspective of that? We fear. This is only 1 of the 100s of fears we all have. Learn how to tame the fear first, that is my honest advice.
Okey. Why fear? Because everybody’s going to see who we are, how unprepared we are, so it feels like such a risk. We dismiss that as a possibility. We keep those wounds from the past really fresh and we keep that pain alive within us. And of course we’re not investing into self-love as we sort of hate ourselves.
But let me tell you that, when we have this awareness, we can actually put insight into action. We can use the weakness as a fuel. We can now take what we know and understand. We know where that fear comes from, we understand why is it there.
We can challenge ourselves to put ourselves out there and just experiment with things that we might really resonate with. We probably don’t know what our great big passion in life is. We might not know what our overwhelming joys in life are, either.
Let us break this barrier by doing more of what we would like to do. Do things that could actually be of interest to you. Create a spark within you and you can forge ahead and do it. I know I can.
Okay, as long as we’re putting ourselves out there, that’s already a great starting point. It’s kind of giving a “like’ to yourself. Ideally, a parent will help their child get into all kinds of activities to play and see what kinds of things they connect to.
This will reveal what kinds of things stick so maybe like putting them in gymnastics or karate or football club or piano lessons, or anything like that. They actually see what can work. We can do the same thing for ourselves.
We can reparent ourselves and just let ourselves play. We’re able to invest into ourselves in this way. We deserve it, that’s. We are able to create a more authentic relationship with ourselves. Then we will feel more secure and relaxed about connecting with other people in more authentic and meaningful ways.
This ‘reparenting’ ourselves will help us have more of the exciting and fulfilling relationship that we would really like